anything but young
by peachykeenage
Summary: Jane Turner is getting over her ex, Will Grayson, getting ready for college at NYU, and at the same time taking care of herself and her sister, Dakota. With her parents and twin sister dead Jane and Dakota are forced to live with their Aunt and cousin. After running into the cold Chicago weather Jane meets a boy named Pudge. The truth about her dead sister is revealed.


jane

30 days before

getting over will is like getting sick. it doesn't go away overnight. somedays i just wish that nothing ever happened between us. i wish tiny cooper didn't leave will and i alone to let us kiss outside of frenchy's, i wish i didn't let him use that dumb schrödinger's cat to make him look like he was different, and i absolutely wish he never cared. i wish he would have just lived his ugly, self absorbed, miserable life without having to bother me. without having to love me. without having to hurt me. _**get in. i'm cold**_ my younger sister, dakota, texted me from the car. the library is just so quiet. the books remind me of people from ages ago. they can never hurt me like people do. i got up from my round table, pushed in the chair, and walked out the doors of harold washington library. dakota wasn't really waiting outside. sometimes " _ **get in. i'm cold**_ " actually means " _ **i'll be there in 5 minutes so wait outside in the cold while i'm cold too so you know my pain of being cold**_." either way, i love how the wind kisses my cheeks. i notice the bench beside me is punched with snow so i flatten out my dress, and sit on it. what do i have to lose?

there is a cvs directly across from me. it's so dark that the sharp neon sign looks actually beautiful. the snow is falling really slowly and in that moment i wonder how gravity lets it fall that slow. i can feel my glasses sliding down the thin part of my nose so i jab them close to my face. i felt uneasy all of a sudden. like someone was watching me. i know people in movies say that all the time, but it really felt weird. i felt like someone knew me and i didn't know a thing about them. my hair only got wetter and wetter while i uncomfortably waited for dakota. _**where are you?**_ i text quickly. i look around to see what is causing the feeling. no one. _something is so wrong._ i could feel it. my fingers fidgeted around quickly, and for some reason i just wanted to wait somewhere else. i stared at the neon lights that spelt out c-v-s, but not even that could make me feel a little bit normal. i checked my phone out of habit. nothing. i sighed and held my arms tightly.

"where the hell is she?" i whispered to myself. _vibration._ i checked my phone, and there was a message from my sister. _**car just broke down. buy yourself a coffee. i'll call a cab.**_ i felt a little relieved that i got to leave. dakota always has the worst of luck. she'll be driving down the highway, and some kind of animal will distract her, causing her to swerve almost off the road. it's practically not her fault, though. ever since my dad died and we moved into my aunt's house she just doesn't know what to do with herself. i mean, she will be pouring coffee into a mug, and the mug will overflow without her knowing it. she's kind of a mess, but what can i do? i stand up and tuck my phone away in my jacket pocket. it was too cold for walking. even though panera is only 80 feet i still feel lazy. i walk into panera and the smell is just overwhelming, i feel like i haven't eaten in years. there are five people in the whole shop, and only one of them locks eyes with me. _like he knows something. like he knows me._ i'll admit he's cute, but he's a stranger, and i just don't gawk at strangers. i don't even gawk at people i know. what is gawking anyway? it sounds like something a parrot would do. anyway, i look away from him, but i still feel his eyes on my back as i walk past him to the cashier. her eyes are so big and her smile is a bit too wide. she looks kind of happy to be happy.

overly happy cashier: welcome to panera! how may i take your order on this beautiful holiday evening?

me: i'll just have one regular coffee, please.

ohc: *rings up coffee with a extremely annoying smile* and will that be it for you today, miss?

me: yeah i think that's all

ohc: that'll be a _grand_ total of $5.23

me: yep. thanks. *hands over money*

ohc: anytime! you're probably my favorite customer in the world. people like you never get boring! *hands over coffee along with her pride*

me: uh...thanks

ohc: merry christmas!

me: you too

people like that freak me out. i mean, how can you be so happy that you're just more happy? is that even possible. i sit at the nearest table to the door and pull out my phone. _**no new messages.**_ another reminder that my only contacts are "will" (who isn't talking to me), "tiny cooper" (who is too busy with broadway), and "dakota" (who is only good for telling you that the car broke down.) i still can feel this creep's eyes on me. i flick my eyes up to see his, and he just stares into mine. he has a coffee and a laptop, but for some reason neither of those are good enough to stop watching me. some creep. i flip open my phone and shoot a quick text to tiny.

 _ **hey tiny, i miss u! i hope new york is going like u hoped it would. not sure if i told u but im going to NYU in a month! im soooo excited. talk to u soon 3**_ the heart probably wasn't necessary, but i supposed i want it to be. i put my phone down and sighed deeply. _how much longer?_ i looked over at the boy one more time. he looked my age. brown hair. green eyes. i decided to just smile. hey, if we can't be them, join them.

me: do we know each other?

awkward staring boy: not yet

me: what do you mean?

asb: are you *looks down at a paper* jane penelope young-turner?

me: yeah..but i only go by turner not young.

asb: why not?

me: because...who are you? how do you know my name?

asb: how many sisters do you have?

i think for a second. this always happens when people ask me if i have a sister. my twin sister is dead. she died years ago, but does that mean i still count her in my siblings count or just say i have one? i never understood death. what i don't understand is why he wants to know.

me: why are you asking?

asb: jane, you've got to trust me on this. how many sisters do you have?

me: *silence*

asb: your sister is dead, isn't she? she died when you were 16.

me: you're starting to freak me out. who the hell are you?!

asb: i'm pudge

me: okay, pudge.

pudge: your sister is alaska young?

me: yeah why?

pudge: after her death i found this letter addressed to you in her desk.

me: my mother will be here any minute *gets up and tries to walk out*

pudge: you're mom is dead.

me: how the hell-?

pudge: take the letter *extends letter in hand*

i took the letter. it was the last evidence of my sister. some days i just wished she would come back and some days i wished she was never born. she was my best friend. this letter defines it. she could have written two more letters to dakota and dad, but it was only me. she loved _me._ not that she didn't love dad and dakota but maybe, just maybe, she didn't. pudge stayed seated in his chair while watching me pull open the letter. i read it. straight and fast. my eyes welled up at some of the words. the life these words had. it's like i can hear alaska reading her death note to me. pudge stood up with her computer in hand and coffee in the other. his brown hair fell over one eye.

pudge: i loved her.

me: she loved you.


End file.
